This article is influenced by the book “No more Mr Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover. Click here to purchase this book from Amazon. Or, listen to the audiobook for free from audible. Not enough time? Listen to the book summary for free in Blinkist.
I like to think I’m a nice guy. I really do. But sometimes it’s hard to be the nice guy all the time, especially when everyone just takes advantage of you.
And these days, we’re supposed to be all sensitive and aware of feelings and other people’s needs.
This article is going to talk about why being a nice guy might not be such a good thing and why you should stop being so agreeable with other people. So, if you’re tired of being the nice guy for people who just take advantage of you and want to stand up for yourself and be more assertive, this article is going to show you how.
7 Reasons why you should stop being Mr nice guy
1. Being the nice guy doesn’t work anymore
As I mentioned earlier, it’s hard to be the nice guy these days with everyone expecting us all to be sensitive and aware of feelings. But let me tell you the truth: If everyone was sensitive and aware of feelings, then none of us would be.
It’s the same reason why people don’t pay attention to the facts anymore. We just do what we’re told. So if no one is listening to you, who are you going to be nice to?
If everyone was really sensitive and aware of feelings, none of us would have any problems, because we’d all just give in at every request.
But you know, when you’re nice to just about everyone, you can get used to it and forget that some people don’t deserve your kindness.
And while we’re at it, not everyone is worthy of a second chance. You have to be careful and make sure that the person you’re trusting doesn’t take advantage of that trust again.
2. You need to stop being so agreeable with other people
I can understand why not everyone would want to be assertive all the time.
When you’re not being assertive, you’re not expressing your thoughts or desires. You’re just going with the flow and accepting other people’s opinion.
But what happens when the other person might be wrong? What happens when you have to express your thoughts or ideas and not let yourself get pushed around?
If you don’t stand up for yourself, then you may think it’s rude to disagree with someone, even if they are wrong.
3. You need to express your feelings, don’t hold back
Let me tell you a story.
Mike was 33 years old, quite a handsome man who was doing very well by being a successful business consultant. Still, on the other hand, Mike was tied up in a messed up relationship.
Because of having this urge to be too nice, he could never truly express his feelings, no matter what the issue is.
Because of not addressing the issues timely with his girlfriend, the relationship soon started to feel like a heavy load, which he has to carry on his shoulders.
He wanted to end this relationship, but he could never do it by thinking that it might hurt his girlfriend, which resulted in him never being truly happy or his girlfriend, which becomes the reason for constant fighting and yelling.
The third mistake most of the nice guys make is they can never fully express their feelings and end up doing what other people want him to do.
Just for instance, if he wants to see a particular movie or want to eat a certain food, but his girlfriend doesn’t want to go or wants to eat something else, then he’d be too nice and is just going to do what she wants.
And while this may not seem like a big deal at first, it will eventually come back and bite you on the ass because eventually you need to stand up for yourself.
In a nutshell, a man who expresses himself fully to others without caring what others think is destined to be more successful than one who always wants to please everyone.
4. Low standards are common among nice people
In my college, there was a guy who was teased by most of the fellow students, but in return, he never used to do anything besides laughing at himself too in front of them. It was not like he used to enjoy their jokes; in fact, he used to complain about their rude behavior behind their back.
But on the other hand, if these same people or especially girls, used to ask him for his help to bring an assignment or something, he never used to refuse them; in fact, he always tried to complete their task as soon as possible so that it might help him to win their friendship, but as soon as the task gets completed they used to start teasing him again.
Generally, this type of error is made by guys who are always too nice to everyone. In order to establish your own worth, you must set high standards in order to avoid making these mistakes.
Remember, if you are being teased by anyone most of the time, you need to confront them; if still, it doesn’t help, you need to change your company so that you might find friends who respect you.
5. First and foremost, you must take care of yourself
Ok, so now let’s talk about George.
He was a successful CEO of a multinational company, but he still considered himself an unimportant man. He was never pleased with his life, which pushed him into depression, which caused him to have sleepless nights and days with constant migraine pains.
Now, most people think if one has a successful career and earns a hefty sum of money, he must be leading a very happy life, but this was not true for George as he was unhappy with his life. To end his depression, he thought of starting therapy with Dr.Robert, who is also the author of this book.
In the first session of the counseling, George admits that he is not happy with his life and wanted to go away while leaving everything he has ever worked for, so after asking a few questions from George Dr. Robert asked him the most important question of all that what does he do for himself that makes him happy.
After pointing out a few things, George realized that he has always done what he has done for his family and is not doing anything for himself, which makes himself happy, which was the main problem.
So Dr. Robert asked George to do four things for himself in a day which will make him happy again and will end the depression those four things were –
1. Meditation and workout.
2. Finding a new hobby.
3. Taking rest.
4. Reading a book.
The lesson you need to learn from this mistake is you always need to put your needs and health first.
6. You need to stop fearing confrontation
There are people who go to their favorite restaurant to eat, and they are served food that is cold or tasteless.
They will eat it without even complaining about it because they are way too nice to confront others for their mistakes, and because of this, these people end up wasting more money by ordering any other thing. But the thing you need to know is you are not nice, but you are stupid if you are wasting hard earned money like this.
But on the other hand, some people go extreme in these types of situations. These people usually start shouting or complaining about the manager or leaving the restaurant without paying the money, which is also rude. Still, they are confronting the problem compared to the nice guys who don’t face the problem.
You need to stop fearing confrontation and freely confront the problem other than just ignoring it.
7. Put an end to making everyone happy all the time
Ok, this time is for Berry!
Berry belongs to a middle-class family who feels the need to be always a nice person. He used to work in a multinational company and was doing very well in his life.
He had bought a house and a car on loan for his family.
Berry loved his two sons very much, and he was always fulfilling their requests; for example, one day, both of them requested that their father purchase two bikes for them, a request he also fulfilled within a short amount of time by purchasing the two bikes on loan.
Because of his nature, his friends also used to ask berry to lend them money now and then, which he used to lend them without asking any questions. Sometimes his friends used to pay back the money, and sometimes they would ignore Berry and Berry, being a nice guy, always tried to prove himself a better friend, and he never used to ask for his money back.
Until one day, Berry fell seriously ill, and he came to know he needs to pay a lot of money every month for his treatment.
As now the circumstances changed suddenly because of the illness, Berry had to lose his job, so with no income and with a lot of loans, Berry thought to ask his friends to lend him some money as he had also helped them during the years. Still, all his friends refused to lend him any money.
With all the loans and an added cost of treatment, Berry had to sell his house. And then he realized his mistake with him being too nice to everyone and lending money to everyone had left him with no savings.
In the book, the author discusses how people are too kind to all; they sometimes overlook their own future in favor of helping others.
So, don’t try to please everyone by risking yours and your family’s future; try to be tough and remember it does not hurt to say NO sometimes as it can save you from serious difficulties.
Final Verdict
So, these are a few mistakes nice guy make when dealing with other people. These mistakes can ruin your life in many ways, so you should read this book and avoid making these mistakes to lead a happy and successful life.
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Also, do let us know if you are a nice guy, and what are your experiences?
